Out of a sudden,im in the middle of the situation where 'i am not aloud to feel angry or mad'? The only feeling is feel bad? Is that all? Not nervous? Not anxious? Not protective? How is that possible? What does that makes me? A bad person to think or even feel that way?

Never a doctor material.

Now. I know, even though my ambition was to be a doctor, but i would never be doctor. I know, I knew. Life is short, yes that is definitely true but how do we deal with it? Everyday, waking up, i thank god for this new breath, but everyday, the fear is everyday.. I wonder, my father, my mother, my brothers, my families, my friends? It consumes me. Im overly terrified that people i love are going to leave me.

I feel how them who's loved ones are gone. I do feel. Even for people i dont know. It is a sad sad sad thing.

Thinking about it gives me chill on the spine.